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Sep. 21st, 2012

11 years ago, my mom was given a car. Originally, I found out, it was supposed to be given to my brother as a graduation present, but my mother talked her friend out of it. About 2 months before my wedding, my mother came to me and told me that I could have one of the cars. My parents had 4 vehicles to their name - Gonzo - an SUV, Ferdinand - a Taurus, Little Blue - a Truck, and P.C. - the Honda. Gonzo is my Mother's vehicle and it was out of the question, Little Blue was basically dead so it was a no on that. So down to Ferdinand and P.C.

My parents bought Ferdy when I came back from my first semester in college so that I would have something to drive since my brother had moved back home after problems in college. I loved Ferdinand (named for the bull from the story) and felt safe driving him (yes, our cars had name and genders too). But when I was returning home from an interview in Pullman, the transmission went out when I was about 7 miles from the border of Washington. I never trusted Ferdinand again. After that, more things went wrong. The brakes had a horrible sounding squeal and the mechanics did nothing about it even though there was a puncture in the left rear disc. It had trouble shifting, and would stutter before moving up a gear. He was a tired car and had so many things wrong with him, my fiancee said no right away.

P.C. was a Honda. That's the main jist. A Honda that had many many miles on her, but still ran amazingly. There was something wrong with her brakes, but more in the fact that she wouldn't stop right away. She needed brake fluid and then everything was all better. Until the night before my wedding when a belt sheered. I think that was the last time my parents used their shitty mechanic. She had other problems too - minor ones such as rusting and a non working radio, but those are easy to fix. The fiancee said he wanted her as soon as her brakes were done.

So why am I writing this? PC was named because she used to belong to a friend of my mother's - a woman named Pat. When Pat died 11 years ago, PC was one of the few tangible things that we had memories associated with. Sure we got some of her furniture, and books, and ornaments. I got her china hutch and when we find a more permanent place, my boy and I will bring in her table and chairs. But those things may stay in my parent's garage for a long time. PC is right here, right now. I still remember sitting in the back, behind the driver's seat when Pat would take us to dinner. I remember the hassle over the car that resulted in the end of a friendship. I remember how when I first rode in her after she became our car, how she still smelled like Pat, and it made my dad and I start sobbing.

I learned to drive in PC and I took my both of my drive tests in her. I had my senior photos taken with that car. I still remember her first license plate - 069FVV. I remember driving all my friends home from school in her, stalking Tree and taking my first boyfriend to a dance. And then getting in two accidents in one week.

But she's an old car and she has her problems. She's still a great car, but she's almost at 200k miles. I still love her and she's still a part of Pat. Sometimes, I can still get a whiff of how she smelled and it makes me cry. I wanted to keep PC until she died. Until it was time to have her towed off to the dump like Little Blue was, but it's time to let go.

Because there's still more I have of Pat's. I have the memories of how much she loved us. How she made sure we had backpacks and shoes and a new outfit for school. I have my education, and my husband who I would never have met if she hadn't given me the money for college. I have the memories of sundays when she would come to our house to take our mom to costco and come back with packs of cards for my brother and I. I have the memories of decorating her house for Christmas, and doing her yardwork even though I was scared shitless of harvestmen. I still remember how she felt when we hugged her, and thanked her for anything we got. How sometimes Pat Christmas was better than Santa's Christmas (sorry mom and dad, but it's true) and I still remember how we all cried at 8:30 on the Saturday night when she finally passed away. How my grandma held my mom and how it was the first time I'd really seen my mom cry.

In the end, P.C. is just a car. But sometimes it feels like she's so much more, because those memories are a bit brighter and a bit closer. Because sometimes I feel that if I sit still enough in the backseat I can go back in time and she'll still be around. She'll joke with us and laugh, and Christmas will be brighter and happier and all around more fun. In the end, I'll always miss Pat. And when we sell P.C., I'll cry even more. But I'll keep her key. I'll keep her memory. And maybe one day, I'll find a 2010 Honda Accord and force my husband to buy it. Because I know Pat would have gotten one of them too.

Mar. 26th, 2012

To the Politicians in Washington,

I am an educated, 25 year old married woman.


I'm sure this makes you relieved because I've paid Social Security to have my name changed, paid the county to file my license, paid the county yet again for a new driver's license and spent a shit ton of money to help the local economy by throwing a wedding. So now can I have all the sex I want?

Apparently you want to fuck me over there too.

You see, I've been married for 6 months and 2 days. Think back to when you were newlyweds - still getting acquainted with each others habits and mannerisms, having discussions about money, finding a house and home to begin your family. And you probably fucked like bunnies. But what you may not realize, or remember, is that it's a turbulent time in your love life. If you never had to struggle to afford a crappy one bedroom apartment, you might not understand why my husband and I fight. We fight over purchases. We fight over interpretations of movies. We fight over our crappy 20 year old cars. We struggle to find time to enjoy each other. We also struggle with our lack of things that are important. We have car insurance, and I have health insurance through my parents, but in 6 months I will cease to be insured.

I would say, and I'm sure you would agree, that financially and emotionally, I'm not in a position to have children.

So why are you allowing birth control coverage to be cut while the price of the pills increases?

I take one pill a day in order to not fuck up our financial situation any worse than it can be. One pack of GENERIC 21 hormone pills is $60 or $2.86 per pill. That's about the price of a chili cheese dog where I work. Because I have emotional issues included with my cycle, these pills are the only ones that work for my condition. $60 for one back of pills then turns into $720 a year for my husband and I to avoid bringing a new burden to our already shitty financial situation. While $720 is a drop in the bucket when compared to the tens of thousands of dollars that we would have to pay in doctors bills if I became pregnant, would it not be more

For the 36% of you who are lawyers, let me remind you of Griswold v Connecticut. For those of you who never heard of this decision let me break it down for you. Connecticut had a law on the books since 1879 stating that drugs, medicinal articles or instrument that prevent conception were prohibited. Griswold and a doctor, Buxton, opened a clinic to provide birth control, after which both were arrested and fined. After review, the Supreme Court decided that the criminalizing the use of contraceptives violates the maritial right to privacy. Seven years later, this was extended to non married people.

For those of you in business, even in a religious business, isn't having a plan that provides birth control to workers more economical than having them get pregnant? I work in an industry that does not provide health benefits, and is populated by low income workers. I've worked with over 10 pregnant women, all but 2 of them in committed relationships including two marriages and 6 others that have since becomes engagements and marriages. One of them continually left work because of pregnancy related conditions leaving us one person down and costing us customers and profit. When another left on her maternity leave, we had to hire another employee to replace her. Because there was yet another employee, everyone's hours began to suffer when the employee on maternity leave return because of the extra person.

My point that I'm trying to make is that if you're going to make decisions on women's health, you need to understand that people like me (those not quite in poverty, but too low to be considered middle class) are the ones who suffer. We need options to cover us - those who are in serious relationships, those who are married, those who suffer medical conditions and those who don't want to create a situation that is bad for them and their child.


Jan. 27th, 2012

I got married in September and left my job at DQ in Vancouver. For those of you interested there are 5 DQs in Vancouver and two are owned by the same people. the other three are independently owned. There was always weird shit going on at the stores, and I'm not just talking about the stuff that happened because one of them might have been haunted.

I have to vent my rage because of all the things I have seen and all the things I experienced. And the fact that these experiences are still going on. I'm sure it happens all the time, everywhere, but the fact that people have complained about how they are treated grinds my gears. I thought it was normal, or how it had to be, but the longer I work at my current job (also a DQ) the more I realize how much in the wrong they are.

Reasons got out of control.....Collapse )

Dec. 9th, 2011

Dear Doug Walker,

Fuck you for stealing from UHF and people funnier than you will ever be.

I hate twilight. Everyone knows this. Hell I'm a member of the "Twilight_sucks" LJ community. But even worse, it delivers a bad message.

In the third book, Bella is forced to choose between her one "twu wuv" and her "best friend." Obviously the way I say this is in massive sarcasm. In the end, she gets to keep both.

I have to choose between two men I love, who love me. One, I'm engaged to, and soon to marry (like next week at this time I'll be married.) However, I've been having doubts because of the second, a man who's been in my life since I was a little girl.

I can never have both. If I choose one, I lose the other. That would have been wonderful to see in Twilight. Or in another book. It seems all these Teen Paranormal Romances end the same way as twilight. The heroine gets to keep the love interest and the best friend.

Why can't my life be some cheesy romance novel?
Dear Future and Current brides,

If you are thinking of having a do it yourself wedding, I applaud you. It's very hard work getting one together. After all you're responsible for all the little details of appearance and entertainment, etc. But here's one piece of advice.


This means, while yes, you set up yourself, you also TEAR DOWN as well. You do not leave the tear down for the other guests and your bridal party unless they offer their help. Family may not really count, but after all you've done, after as far as some guests may have traveled, It's not really couth to have them tear down stuff. And yes they have volunteered, but still. They shouldn't HAVE to volunteer.

No thanks
Today I went to my childhood best friend's wedding.

I thought it would be awkward and it was. A bit. Other than the adults I was sitting with (my parents included) I didn't know anyone. I'd been worried. But overall it wasn't so bad. I enjoyed hearing the stories from the adults and enjoyed talking to them. I didn't get to show off my ring or anything, but today wasn't about that. Today was about them.

My friend was just as awkward as I remember him. He walked down with the Maid of Honor (whose foreign name escapes me) but he wasn't walking close to her. It reminded me of the wedding I went to just last month when the brothers of the bride (who I remember meeting when they were so much younger) walked me down to my seat. It was cute, but you could tell they were uncomfortable. The officiant was the bride's brother, and he did an excellent job! He's not a minister or pastor, but he was short and sweet. The kiss was sweet and almost innocent.

But it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Sure there was distance between us. I haven't seen him in over two years and I'd never met her (she's older than us and quite pretty), but I never felt like a fish out of water. I got to know the parents of another friend of ours growing up (he never did like me, but now it seems like he's more willing to be friendly) and I got to talk to the parents of another of my friends growing up. The mother was thrilled to see me and I think my mom enjoyed talking to her friend.

I did feel alone of course. But I thought of the men I love, and who love me. Though one will forever be my friend and the other my lover, I couldn't help but think of them and how they were both with me. And how soon I'll be able to share my day with all of my friends.

Maybe it's the fact that they're male that we grew apart. Maybe it's because we went to different schools and lost touch. But for whatever the reason I was happy to share in the day with him today. To stand and watch him marry that beautiful woman. May they have a long and happy life together.

To Alex and Melina

Dear Scheduler....

If you didn't want me to take the day off you shouldn't have put an R on my schedule.


Jul. 9th, 2011

I don't write as much as I should. Then again I enjoy being a private person. I enjoy people not knowing much about me. But still I should be writing stories and passages, but I don't. I just never seem to have the inspiration or the drive to write. Which is really bad since my goal is to have something published. Hell I don't even know what to write any more. My brain is so shattered and quite when it's not ringing out with stress.

Vacations don't quite help either.

What's wrong with me? Why am I my fiancee's muse when he's not mine?

Apr. 25th, 2011

Facebook is the bane of existence. It's everywhere and you cannot... I repeat CANNOT get away from it. It's just there.

It's also there if you constantly tell me that you can't get time for me, but you can have time for other friends.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, you blind cuntcake!